TIME RACISM: the most hidden form of racism revealed!

Call me a bigot but there’s one group of people who I hate and who I’d like to stick into concentration camps and teach the meaning of pain to. Canadians? The Dutch? Space invaders? Your mom?

Nope. I’m talking about people from the future. Those hoighty toighty, high-tech motherfuckers from the 25th century and up have it so much better than we ever will, and I despise them for it!

You hate the richest one-percent of the world because they have it so much better than you do. Well guess what? People from the future have it EVEN BETTER than them.

Today, if we want to reach our destination it can take hours. After we get into our cars we often spend half our trip not moving at all because we’re stuck in another traffic jam. Since people of the future will have the ability to teleport it will take only nine seconds for them to travel to any destination on earth. Perhaps even to destinations on other planets as well. Fuck no that isn't fair!

If we the people of today want to have sex, we need to make an effort and actually seduce someone… and that’s never fun. Seducing someone means, pretending to care about that person’s household pets, buying them desserts and wines, and then replacing the locks to our doors and changing our phone numbers when they freak out and stalk us after we end the relationship.

People from the future won’t need to worry about seduction! Instead they can just put on their virtual reality headsets and with the press of a button; they can set themselves up with an instantaneous orgy involving 300 perfect partners all at once. It gets even better for them too. When people of the future are done having their filthy virtual sex, they’ll press another button and all these partners will instantly transform into cans of beer and tiramisu cakes. Since future people will be in virtual reality, they won’t actually be eating those delicious cakes; it will only feel like they’re eating them. In other words, they’ll get the great taste but with absolutely zero calories! Also, just like how we don’t die for real when our character dies in a modern war video game, in tomorrow’s virtual reality orgies there will be no fear of getting pregnant or catching diseases. People of the future have it far too good.

Think back to our dark human past. You just know the cavemen whose lifestyles consisted mostly of hiding in dark caves to avoid mastodon attacks and all those women who were burnt at the stake because their neighbors thought they were witches would hate the people of today if they knew how much better than them we have it. Therefore dear reader, is it so wrong for me to want to systematically slaughter the people of the future just because they have it better than I do?

No. No, it isn’t.

People talk about how racism is wrong, but what about TIME RACISM?
You see, every person living on earth today is supposed to have equal rights. If they don’t that’s racist. Even spics know that.

But isn’t it equally racist for people of the 20th century to have more opportunities than the people of the 4th century did just because they are lucky enough to be born later? It’s kind of like having more opportunities just because you are lucky enough to be born with white skin isn’t it? When people from the 26th century have an easier life than people of the 21st century well that’s basically the textbook definition of discrimination.

The good news is… there’s a solution! One thing is happening right now that will make the people of today and people of the future be much more equal when it comes to the quality of life:

Thank heavens for global warming!!! What’s that future boy? Centuries of global warming have made your polar icecaps melt and 90% of your world’s surface is now underwater? Too bad future boy. That’s equality. That’s fairness. They have their fancy flying cars, teleportation machines and their virtual reality sex, but at least I can walk down the street without immediately drowning!

Making sure that people of the future don’t have it too much better than us is the way to create real equal rights. The only way to ensure that people of the future don’t have it too much better than us is to keep polluting our air so that we will make sure the ice caps melt and drown every flower, tree and garden gnome in existence.