I was fornicating with a woman who I met through her boyfriend when it turned out I couldn’t come.  Instead of coming closer and closer towards orgasm as time went on, my penis actually started going further and further away from it, until it ended up flaccid. 

I suppose my first couple of thrusts were actually quite successful.  The slightest signs of penile limpness only began showing when the woman I was sexing referred to me by her boyfriend’s name.  This fine young lady also didn't tell me that she was on her period.  So I may have continued going limp as she bled all over the place.  When she started saying things like “that’s it!  Fuck your little princess daddy”, it was the beginning of the end as far as my boner was concerned.

Still hoping to salvage the session, I stopped what I was doing.  I paused and gently asked her if she would cut that "daddy talk" out.  She asked “why?” so I told her as sweetly as I possibly could that it was, well, just a little bit… weird.

Her: There’s nothing weird about it!

Me: Yeah, it is weird!  For heaven's sake, I’m not even the same race as your father… (this was probably a bad time to be making jokes).
 
Her: Fuck off!  It’s not weird at all!

Me: I guess…

The sex was doomed.  Everything fell still and I started thinking about all the bad choices I made in my life.  It took a few awkward seconds of naked, shameful silence before anyone said anything.  Then she started defending her incestuous dirty talk:

Her: It’s not weird!  First of all… I never even knew my father!

Me: Oh...
(She was only half black by the way – and I'm sure you can guess which half was the black one! Note to self: don’t include this line in the final draft).

Her: If I never knew him and I call you “daddy” it doesn’t mean I’m thinking about him!

Me:Yeah…

Well that was reassuring.  Kind of.  Not really.  I wanted to have no part of this conversation, so I turned my body away from her, sat up and began silently staring at the wall.  I placed my hand upon one of her breasts and apologetically stroked it. I looked into her eyes, gave a sort of half-smile and then awkwardly looked away.  I was thinking about ending our meeting, but before I could verbalize this desire she asked me to lick her pussy. 

Well, how bad could it be?  I slowly, cautiously moved my head downwards and cast a dubious glance at her crotch area.  What I saw was not delightful.  Not in the least.  She wanted me to eat a dark, smelly, bleeding hole.  Samuel L. Jackson would probably say something like “this shit is mothafucking repugnant” but I couldn’t say anything.  As I gazed upon her vile stink pit it I could practically feel my penis retracting inside my body.  I took a look at her face and shook my head “no”. 

It definitely didn’t take her long to realize that my penis had become completely deflated.  As soon as she saw how soft I’d gotten things turned ugly.  Fast. 

She told me I was “not a real man” then she asked if I was a homosexual, and she said all sorts of other unglamorous things as well, but here’s the thing…

I didn’t lose my erection because I’m some sort of impotent, weakling scrotum boy; I lost my erection because she was a pig.

According to the average woman, if you can’t get it up it’s always your fault and never hers.  No, man!  Often it’s the other way around, her fault, not yours.  Unfortunately, this is one area where society always shifts the blame onto men. 

Now imagine a different world.  A world where viagra ads would show a good thirty seconds of incredibly hot women shaking their thong clad butts while staring into the camera and mouthing “call me”.  Then the announcer would say “Hello ladies, if you looked more like these fine ass women, if you behaved more like these fine ass women, the man in your life wouldn’t even need viagra!  Good thing you don’t so BUY SOME TODAY, OH YEAH!!!” 

You just know a world with commercials that awesome would have flying cars and talking animals as well.

No… but we don’t live in a world like that.  We live in an unfair world where poor sexual performance is always attributed to the man even when the woman is to blame.  A world where they think you're not a real man if you can't get it up, even if she’s 300 lbs. and she’s your sister too.  Also in this world, we don’t have flying cars or talking animals.  No wonder kids shoot up the schools and shit.