The grim truth about Fairytales.

If you read fairytales, you will grow up to be a failure.

In the original version of Little Red Riding Hood the big bad wolf is a hungry, hungry pedophiliac who orders Riding Hood, a child, to take off all her clothes and get into bed with him. Once she is naked in bed with an animal, Riding Hood tells the wolf she has to pee, so he encourages her to pee in the bed.... and she does. Oh yeah, and all this happens right after the wolf feeds Riding Hood the roasted corpse of her own grandmother. The version you know cuts all that stuff out. In the Disney version of Cinderella, the step sisters don't get to marry the prince because their feet can't fit into the glass slipper. In the Brother's Grimm version of Cinderella, the step sisters cut bloody chunks out of their feet to get them small enough to fit into the glass slipper... then a couple of random birds swoop down and peck their eyes out for some reason. Seriously. Violence doesn't get any more random than that.

In their cartoons, Disney obviously took all that inappropriate stuff out of fairytales to make them more acceptable for today's weaker, less bloodthirsty children, but even in their "family friendly" form, the modern fairytales are still filled with messages that corrupt children and make them become unredeemable fuck ups as adults. Don't believe me? Here's the evidence:

1.) Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

When Walt Disney gave names to the seven dwarves for the movie version, he changed this once innocent story into a dark, depraved drug fantasy. Why do you think those seven singing dwarves acted like they were on drugs? It's because they were.

Look at them! They're all junkies! Just check out their names and their corresponding personalities, and you'll believe it too:

One of the dwarves is named Grumpy (yeah. . . lots of people tend to get grumpy when they're going through heroin withdrawal) another one is named Sneezy (if he didn't snort so much cocaine, he wouldn't be sneezing all the time now would he?), there's Happy (what on earth is there to be happy about? NOTHING! Somebody has obviously been popping ecstasy), Sleepy (I'd be sleepy too if I just smoked a truckload of marijuana.). You also have Doc, the dealer of the group (junkies often refer to their dealers as being their "doctor"). The sixth dwarf is named Bashful. While I have no idea what bashful means, I'm pretty sure it's just another way of saying "loves to get high". Finally, the last dwarf is called Dopey. Yes, HIS ACTUAL NAME IS DOPEY. I don't get it either, it's a bit more subtle than the rest of them. But give me time, I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually.

That's nothing however. Drug addicted midgets are just kid's stuff when compared to the debauchery that goes on in Cinderella.

2.) Cinderella teaches young girls to become useless, money grubbing, insecure vermin. But at least it doesn't teach them to be ugly.

Here's a summary of Cinderella:

Cinderella was a very beautiful woman who was forced to do housework all day because of her wicked stepmother and stepsisters. This was unfair since Cinderella was really beautiful and this kind of work should be only be given to ugly girls. One day, Cinderella put on a gorgeous dress and she looked really hot in it. Because she looked so damn hot, the prince asked her to marry him, gave her all his money, got rid of all her problems and they lived happily ever after.

"So remember young girls, be hot so people will like you and men will give you money. Be not hot and well, your future is fucked. Clean the kitchen wage slave!" That's pretty much the moral of Cinderella: rely on others not yourself, and whatever you are, don't be ugly. Little impressionable girls read this shit, they internalize it every day and they grow up to be beauty obsessed, insecure, unemployed, money grubbing, collagen addicted whores. Yeah thanks. But you know, it could be worse, fairytales could be about ugly girls.

There's an article called "Snow White's Dark Side" that was written by a bunch of feminists who have a problem with fairytales. These feminists are upset because fairtyales usually describe their main characters as being physically attractive - that's what's bothering them. Here's the exact quote:

Feminists are mad because fairytales teach young girls that it's important for them to look good. And I agree with them completely! Who the hell made Snow White be attractive? Any whore who lets seven midgets run train on her in exchange for a place to sleep can't possibly be all that hot. Not in real life. It's a good thing that feminists have pointed out this lack of realism in fairytales.

These feminists suggest that we should re-write fairytales when we tell them to our children. They say we should rewrite them so that the narrator never mentions that Snow White is beautiful... this will teach girls that looking good is not that important... but should we really teach girls that it's not important for them to look good? Wouldn't that just do more harm than good? If we teach women from a young age that's its not important for them to look good won't they all just shave their heads and stop going to the gym? Oh I'm sure guys won't mind, we'll just carve open pumpkins and put our penises in them instead. I'm sure it will be just as good! Thanks feminists, thanks a lot! Plus, it's not just about us, you know that women will have it bad too when guys are fucking pumpkins, I mean, who'll fund your trips to the manicurist and take out your garbage then? Your Fairy God Mother? Unlikely. You'll have to do it yourself, and as we all know, doing things for yourself when someone else can do them for you is balls.

Then, after all their shit stirring, these feminists proceed to give some really horrible advice:

Decide against marrying the prince you say? Other possibilities you say?
What "other possibilities" did Cinderella even have? You need to remember that Cinderella was very limited in options, it's not like she was living in an age when she could just get a job. It was either marrying rich or. . .

Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Here's a newsflash for you:
Even the feminists would marry the prince!

Why? Because he's a fucking prince! No, not you feminist. You're not going to marry a prince; you'd rather get hitched with John Q. Jerkoff the used car salesman instead. You won't be able to resist his five-day stubble and his mustard stained Incredible Hulk PJ's. Sure you will. . . I believe you. Actually, it's more like you'd claw your fellow feminist's eyes out just to be first in line to marry the prince. Trust me: in female vernacular, Best Friends Forever (BFF) really means "Best Friends Forever until a guy or a job promotion comes between us, or if you suddenly lose weight and become better looking than me. Then I'll tell everyone you have herpes."

These feminists claim that Cinderella is very bad for women. So how come every woman in the world wishes she was Cinderella? Marrying a prince when you grew up in poverty (like Cinderella) is what EVERY woman wants, feminist or not. That's just a fact. Marrying a prince is better than just marrying rich, because anyone can be rich, EVEN MINORITIES, but when you marry royalty, you marry into class as well as money, and money by itself can't buy you class. Paris Hilton may have all the money on earth, but when you're famous primarily from blowing a dude on camera, you'll never have class.

Feminists say that Cinderella is bad for women but the fact is, it's women who love Cinderella, not men. The story of Cinderella is the height of the average woman's wish fulfillment (if Cinderella was the height of the average man's wish fulfillment, the story would probably consists of a robot from the future who bangs Cinderella's three step sisters at the same time, robs the Fairy God Mother and then murders the prince and every other guy in town as well as a dragon - and after he kills the dragon with a flame thrower the robot Cinderella will probably throw down a one-liner like "You just got burnt TO A CINDER... noob" - so it's not like men's wishes are any more high minded than women's).