Stop dressing up everywhere you go.

So you got your legs waxed and you're wearing the most expensive evening gown you own, great, now what are you going to do?

(a) go to a club or party where you can see and be seen.
(b) waste all that effort on looking good by going to the movies.

Look woman, I know the excitement of getting felt up in Gary's Toyota Corolla can be a little too much to handle, but you're going to have to consider the situation reasonably:

Party / club: Call attention to yourself.
Movies: shut up and stare at a wall for two hours. The less attention you call to yourself the better.

Every night, thousands of women walk into a movie theater dressed up and looking their best... and nobody cares because nobody has come to see them, they've all come to see Will Smith's ass instead.

But you spent hours styling your hair! You're wearing half your bodyweight in mascara and makeup and through the miracle of Wonderbra, duct tape or sheer willpower your milky white breasts are sticking out like heat-seeking torpedoes fighting the constrictive nature of the fabric that's caressing them in its cottony embrace like a wave on the ocean in the middle of the summertime. AND NOBODY CARES.

In a movie theater, nobody can even see how good you look! That's not all: nobody can hear you either. Since you spent so much time on looking good you didn't have any time left to spend on being interesting, so now you girls are being taken to the movies to shut you up. Think about it: nobody really wants to see yet another romantic comedy about what happens when seven identical twin sisters all fall in love with Adam Sandler... and the only twist this time is that in the last scene Sandler confesses that he doesn't want any of the seven sisters because SURPRISE: he's fallen in love with Seth Rogan. But just as your head is spinning from that brilliant plot twist, he'll then say, "Beam me up Scottie" and it'll turn out that he's also an alien from another dimension sent to destroy the earth by his alien boss (played by Will Ferell in a surprise cameo) and then the producers of the movie will all shit themselves in glee from the clever way in which they've managed to combine two different genres in just one film.

The reason you're not laughing right now is because you're sitting there thinking to yourself "Yeah probably, I can see them doing that. Where's the joke?"

Anyway, that kind of movie is a piece of garbage... and your date would still rather watch it than hear you talk for two hours. So remember girls: stop yakking about your pet dog as if you're the U.N.'s ambassador of boring and GET A PERSONALITY YOU WHORES (hopefully one that is nothing like mine). Oh yeah, and quit getting dressed up to go to the movie theater. Nobody cares... and don't be like... "but my boyfriend cares! He wants me to dress up and look my best." Well he might, but since he asked you out to the movies instead of out to dinner or a club he clearly wants to see Will Smith's ass more. So STFU.